Top 5
I go back and forth on lesbians. Sometimes they're just "mind your business" girls who give a shit, but not about dumb stuff. And sometimes they're 20-something grandmas. My FOFs Ann and Dabney are definitely the prior. For one, when you play a game of euchre with them, it gets so intense that you have to breathe through your nose, and you only stop doing that to take sips of South African wine. Plus Clifton Chenier's greatest hits are playing in the background. For another, they have this: superette.blogspot.com/2005/09/fantasy-chutes-and-ladders.html A fantasy fucking sperm donors match! And dig the line-up. Robert Reich! How cool would it be to have a midget from the Clinton Cabinet make your babies?
Anyway, I love their concept, and I want to appropriate it. So, without further exegesis...
Top 5 reasons your kid will be better than anyone else's...
Anyway, I love their concept, and I want to appropriate it. So, without further exegesis...
Top 5 reasons your kid will be better than anyone else's...
posted by J Wilson at Thursday, September 22, 2005
7 Comments:
Rebellion phase is going to be pretty, um, interesting
Baptized in Maker's
Has his birthday parties on school nights
Fluent in Slovene, German, Argentine Spanish and New York, because that's where all his moms are from
Best bedtime stories EVER
Dresses every day like a Harry Potter character, because that's all mom knits him/her.
Will be able to taste the difference between a French and American Chardonnay by the age of 10.
His/her six godmothers are all spitfire lesbians who enjoy music, cocktails, and design.
Speaks Dutch, Hungarian, Swedish, German, French and Italian, because that's where his/her mom is from.
Will have own blog by the age of 3 days.
He/she has the best name in the world, because I call dibs on Calvin and Clementine.
Oops, that's six, but one of them I stole from Jer.
I go back and forth on lesbians, too. With my tongue. Teen devil worshipper Jonathan Conteros' list of activities for the twelfth of October...stab until dead (bye, mom), cut off her left hand! Life is, life is very long...between the essence and the descent falls the shadow...this is the way the world ends, not with a bang but a...
Ok, Pupes. The first two sentences were great. I snorted.
But if could make future posts 900% less terrifying, I'd appreciate it.
Won't give a crap about people's differences, will expect them
Has an inherent preference for Single Malt and 30 year-old Port
His/Her life will be full of some funny, well traveled, well read, interesting people (count yourselves and your future children)
Will be able to spell PASSPORT by age 3
wOn't be as rebellious or as rediculous as his/her mother
1. She has many "colorful uncles"
2. She's born walking, talking, and fully clothed
3. she can do hospital corners and use a crock pot by age 2.
4. she's home schooled by the nation of islam
5. raises herself.
silkscreens their own onesies
loves led zeppelin and elvis costello equally.
has the body of james blake, the talent of yo-yo ma, the mind of robert reich, and the wit of jon stewart.
possesses an innate sense of design due to being raised in a mac environment.
won't FUCKING EVER vote for a member of the bush family.
plays a kick-ass game of euchre.
wonderfully related to ashbloem and the school of hits (if all goes according to plan)
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