Bureaucrite

Monday, I got a bank account. Here's how it went. I walked into Abanka. I sat down across from a middle-aged woman in orange pants. (Banker ladies really dress like clowns sometimes. What is that?) She says a tad frantically "I can't do anything about a bank account, because you don't have a tax number. You need a tax number." OK, tell me where to go. She says I have to go to the tax office for strangers. Not foreigners, strangers. That's cool; she and I weren't going to be acquainted anyway. I go there. The office is closed for its midday break. I slowly fill out my tax number paperwork and drink machine coffee. When I get in with the tax number woman, she makes me go outside to photocopy my ID. That sets me back 30 SIT. There was a copier in her office. I go back to the bank, but it's closed for its midday break now. I walk out to the Slo Times office. Write some people. Then I go back to the bank, orange pants is already getting flummoxed, because apparently no one from another country has ever wanted a bank account here. She tells me that I can only get a foreigner's account, which means I cannot have an ATM card. WHAT THE FUCK?! This is typical Slovenian for "let's screw over the Bosnians and Montenegrins." Clearly, this will not do. I ask for a second opinion. She brings out a woman who is dressed like a human being. I explain the situation to her. This new woman is better than a problem solver; she's a problem ignorer. Seriously, I think I could be married to her for 50 years with both of us just sitting there, dishes piled up from two months ago, a bunch of dead plants, watching TV with a busted vertical hold. Orange pants is like "What goes here?" Reinforcements is like "Blank." "And here?" "Blank." "Blank again?" "Yes." At this point I'm calling Reinforcements Santa Claus and David Copperfield. She's basically treating the federal government the way teenagers treat their principal. She says "OK, come in on Monday and pick up your card." "I can't. I'm in New York on Monday." "You're a bad one. When do you want it?" "Friday?" "OK, come back on Friday." Then, it's time for paperwork. Reinforcements: "I need your telephone number and email address." "Are you asking me out?" "Maybe." I like that. That means I'll definitely have my card on Friday.