Reversal of Fortune

I have a butler now.

I have him, because as the Lord of Elder Manor, it is necessary that I sit on my ass while my servants do what I should be doing myself. I asked the Lady of the Manor what she thought my butler should do. She asked what I spent most of my day doing. "Um, drinking." "Well, then you should have the butler drink for you."

I asked the butler what concerns he might have toward his services.

"How late do I get to sleep as head butler?"

"Whoa there. I just said butler. Anyway. My sleeping can be extremely erratic. Sometimes I'm up at sunrise. Sometimes I'm up at 10:30. I never know."

"I am most concerned about the desire for butling in the early am hours. Or just a general disturbance of my sleep."

"You're one lippy butler. Have you been doing my drinking before I've even hired you? What would you do if you were unable to satisfy your butler duties."

"I can always bring on more help."

"Hmmm, that's not really a trust-inspiring answer. Let me just clarify some things here. I guess all I need is for you to just hang out in butler clothes."

"I shall visit the Long Beach Suit Outlet and find a butler's uniform for less than $99 that meets my standards."

I thought all this butler business was settled at that. But, I just received this post:

"Sir, I've secured an ass-drawn coach for you from the Grand Prairie 'R'ent-a-'R'eck. I will have it parked near the ATA gate at DFW for your use whenever the mood strikes you."

"My Lady, I have acquired a Bentley Continental for your distinguished use."

Uh, under what grounds, can a butler just make decisions like that? An ass-drawn carriage? At DFW?!!! And why is the "R" in Rent in quotes?