Change of plan

Chicago is out. Boston is in.

Sorry, and you're welcome...but not necessarily in that order.

Off duty

My apologies. I'll see many of you soon when I attempt to elucidate through a NY fog of God-knows-what fluids...


Ask me about these topics:

Portorož MTV Party with dickweed marketing director

Final night of Ex Ponto at Drama's actors-only bar

Funny comparisons between Americans and Slovenians

Whatever adventure I have along the 14+ hours of travel between here and there

Do not ask me about:

This hacking cough that will not go away

Why I have no money


Na zdravje (zdravenje).

Top 5

Gotta hustle. Ad party in Portorož tonight.

Top 5 new slogans yet to be written...

Yeah, it's fuckin' vague. I'm tired.

Bureaucrite

Monday, I got a bank account. Here's how it went. I walked into Abanka. I sat down across from a middle-aged woman in orange pants. (Banker ladies really dress like clowns sometimes. What is that?) She says a tad frantically "I can't do anything about a bank account, because you don't have a tax number. You need a tax number." OK, tell me where to go. She says I have to go to the tax office for strangers. Not foreigners, strangers. That's cool; she and I weren't going to be acquainted anyway. I go there. The office is closed for its midday break. I slowly fill out my tax number paperwork and drink machine coffee. When I get in with the tax number woman, she makes me go outside to photocopy my ID. That sets me back 30 SIT. There was a copier in her office. I go back to the bank, but it's closed for its midday break now. I walk out to the Slo Times office. Write some people. Then I go back to the bank, orange pants is already getting flummoxed, because apparently no one from another country has ever wanted a bank account here. She tells me that I can only get a foreigner's account, which means I cannot have an ATM card. WHAT THE FUCK?! This is typical Slovenian for "let's screw over the Bosnians and Montenegrins." Clearly, this will not do. I ask for a second opinion. She brings out a woman who is dressed like a human being. I explain the situation to her. This new woman is better than a problem solver; she's a problem ignorer. Seriously, I think I could be married to her for 50 years with both of us just sitting there, dishes piled up from two months ago, a bunch of dead plants, watching TV with a busted vertical hold. Orange pants is like "What goes here?" Reinforcements is like "Blank." "And here?" "Blank." "Blank again?" "Yes." At this point I'm calling Reinforcements Santa Claus and David Copperfield. She's basically treating the federal government the way teenagers treat their principal. She says "OK, come in on Monday and pick up your card." "I can't. I'm in New York on Monday." "You're a bad one. When do you want it?" "Friday?" "OK, come back on Friday." Then, it's time for paperwork. Reinforcements: "I need your telephone number and email address." "Are you asking me out?" "Maybe." I like that. That means I'll definitely have my card on Friday.

I have too many SMSes

Some of them have got to go. Let's review:


Jo jo big J.I yust came.I get the money.When you come back I hope youll have time for a beer or 6.Enjoy and take care.M.
This one is from my landlord. I guess it proves I've been paying him. Contractually, it's a keeper.

Restaurant is called BREZ'N, is on LEOPOLDSTR 72, we are sitting upstairs...Cab should be 10 or 12 Euros. See you soon!
I never saw these people, and it's going to be a long while before I'm in München again.


U've GOT 2 read Atonement. Ian mcewan must've bn channeling dinner @ ma's when he wrote part one!
This is from Josh. He exclusively uses SMS as his sole form of communication. I've had too many dinners at Ma's to be ready for the fictionalized version.

PIVNICA VEVCE, it's right next to the PAPIRNICA VEVCE and POOL VEVCE!
So which bus line do I take? Vevce...OK, got it.

Im @ home getting drnk. I just tried 2 open my pint glass w/a bottle opener.
More Josh. Congratulations. Mission accomplished.

I worked with her through panteon and I got 2000per hour, u could charge 3000. U would get 6000per session. That ok?
Later today I'm going to figure out if that is OK. It sounds OK, but I'm borderline diseased with a hangover now.

Svete. Write another sms if youll have a problem. I'll make a phone call.
It's cool when you're friends with movie stars and TV actors. Especially when they get you into free performances at Drama with a phone call.

R they ugly inside?
Josh...again. This will need an entire entry to explain.

Aha...you could be here to put your face on mine...hehe...like you said
Wherever I was, it was apparently the wrong place.

Sladke sanje tudi tebi...my pillow says hello to yours
Flirting actually is better than sex. No one can ever say they had smart sex.

Mexican Downs Syndrome call 2 slovenia was $91.60!!! i'm billing that 2 the mexican consulate
This leaves me speechless in so many ways. It appears my time is worth $2 a minute. I'm like a shitty attorney.

Hej you!last sms from slo. Here is my mail...have nice time.hope we se you soon.cmok
Cmok! Fuckin' cmok! Those four letters are worth $91.60.

What's yr theory on why I don't email piggy d?
Well, let's see. You've abandoned sustainable communication for "essential word" phone transmissions. You can only think 30 characters at a time. So, either you're a lazy fucking cunt or the human equivalent of a solar calculator watch.

That's the SMS review so far.

Bummer

I just wrote a LONG ASS entry about today. And I hit something and it disappeared. That was fucking lame. Oh well.

Ad festival in Portorož tomorrow.

Žur (aka Zabava)

I went to the funnest party last night.

Everybody was in Jane Fonda era workout gear. It was a Spandex-plosion.

I'm not a disco loving person; I fucking hate it. But this shit was so infectious. It was like everyone did whip-its and then got up and did stage routines. It was like if Abby Bender put on a dance concert and no one fucking listened to her. It was like a 1980's murder mystery patry where the cops caught the criminal in the first ten minutes and then everyone had to shake their asses to prove there was still order in the world. It was like being on ecstasy, except no one was touching each other or drinking water. It was so fucking fun. My friend Neli and I were running around stealing people's headbands and then asking those same people we stole them from what they thought of our headbands. The party was supposed to be private, but I came up to the doorman talking really fast in English and saying shit like "We have a plus two, but our third person isn't showing." Some British girl gave me a pack of cigarettes; she took two for herself.

Geez, it was insane surreal. I got home at 5AM. I had so much energy from this joint I walked the 3.5 kilometers back to my place, and then put on "Electronic Renaissance" by Belle and Sebastian, and bopped around my kitchen and bedroom. Fuck. Where were you guys?

I woke up at 10, and walked into Center. I have a job tutoring some 30-yr-olds in English this Wednesday.

Last night, I saw a play called "norway.today." It sucked. I felt like I was in high school, only not my high school. Some lame Family Matters-type high school.